Secrets

Secrets

I like keeping secrets.
It makes me feel safe.

I've want to runway, and maybe this time I might be able to do it.
I am old enough to move out my mother's house, the problem is if I have the strength to face this cruel world.
But there's this voice saying to me that I should it, or else I won't be able to make my dreams come true.
And I know my mother will not allow it, unless I secretly runaway.

I've had secret love affairs.
I always had...
From odd to more serious love stories that no one will ever know.
Too many hearts are broken, both mine and theirs.
But still I fall in love so easily.
And there's this one person, a person who reached out his hand...
Now I think I will run away with him.

I've always kept my dreams to myself.
For the sake of being a good daughter for my family.
But now I don't want to live that life anymore.
My mother said I have stopped thinking about my future, that I have stopped going for my dreams.
But no!
When I runaway, the beginning towards my dreams and goals will start in motion.

But then what's keeping me from all of my dreams is myself.


I hate keeping secrets.
It makes me feel more alone.

Day 8, 9 & 10 of Mori Challenge

Lol! It's been almost a month since the last time I posted here. I've been on the rut and I'm trying to fix myself and get a new life. Hopefully the end of October, I'll be able to take care of everything and find work.
Anyway, just to kill time and to make up for the weeks lost....

Day 8 – 10 songs that inspire you for mori

Quelqu'un m'a dit

by Carla Bruni

I don't understand french but this is a relaxing but sad song.

Every Teardrop is A Waterfall

by Coldplay

My feel good song. Coldplay never seizes to impress me with their music and videos.

Sugar Town

by Zoey Deschanel

Love this artist, and this is just to sweet! 

Though there's no music video for this song, this stop motion is pretty cute. :)

To Binge

by Gorillaz ft. Yukimi Nagano

A really relaxing, beach-y song. 

To bad Gorillaz as not as popular as they used to. 

Yellow

by Coldplay

Beautiful song from an amazing band.

Never  Grow Up

 byTaylor Swift

A really sweet song. To bad Taylor Swift Don't usually do music videos on these type of songs.

Mushaboom

by Feist

A feel good song even though I don't really understand it even if  I google the lyrics. :P

Crazy good music video too! 

Between Two Lungs

by Florence + The Machine

I love this song, feels like falling in love.

The Dog Days Are Over

by Florence and The Machine

I prefer the 2008 version of the music video, but I can't find it :(

This song made her skyrocket and be able to perform with the big guns (mainstream artists)

considering she's an indie artist, and that's awesome!

Some Like You 

by Adele

Love, love love this song. Adele's voice is just pure magic.

As you can see I'm more into mainstream, I love listening to Lady Gaga but she doesn't inspire me about the nature and sweet simple things in life.

Also, first time writing a blog on the new layout, it kinda sucks actually. I can't see if my post is auto-saved and too much white can be blinding. Gonna learn about this new layout...

--------------------------------------------------

Day 9 – 10 things you will never do in mori

Hmm... let me rephrase that.

Mori wont stop me from:

1. Being myself

2. Trying out other kinds of fashion

3. Not liking gardening... it's just... not my thing :(

4. Living in the city. Country living is nice, but the city is where you can easily find work.

5. Playing with make-up. Though personally, I'm not into make-up. I just like to 'play' with it sometimes.

Ok... I got nothing else to say :|

-----------------------------------------------

Day 10 – What’s in your bag?

Sorry, no picture -_-;

1. Wallet

2. Cellphone

3. Tiny notebook for my things to-do list and other notes

4. Small Sketchbook, so I can do doodle when I'm bored

5. Pencil case w/ ballpen, pencil and eraser

6. Foldable umbrella

7. Compact mirror

8. Rubbing alcohol,

9. Cologne

10. Earphones

11. I don't usually bring this but for some reason I have a newspaper in my bag, hey I was bored and not in the mood to doodle. But yeah sometimes if my bag is big enough I bring a magazine or book so I won't get bored.

Ok that's it! I'll be lucky If I'm able to post again this or next week. I gotta fix myself first!

Bye for now! ;)

Day 6 and 7 of Mori Challenge

Oh my gosh! It's September already! Ugh!

Anyway, I'm lagging behind this Mori challenge because the next question is kinda hard to answer because I'm not really a mori girl, I'm just mori-inspired. Well whatevs~

Day 6 – 10 things you can’t live without in mori.

Like I said, I'm not a mori girl but these are the things that keep me mori-inspired.

1. My Dairy scrapbook. 

    Vanillery Garden suggested to do this (an online mori/self help class) so I could appreciate myself and my life. 

2. My Laptop

    My only source of mori information and other inspiration because I don't have any mori friends.

3. My cream and white (lacey) tops/dresses, or anything clothes that can be mori

    I only have a few mori-styled clothes but I love those clothes even before I started to like mori girl.

4. My late granma's old stuff.

    She left us a lot of vintage bags, laces, used stamps, pins, old styled sandals, and other things I could use for my scrapbook, and even for sewing (if only I have a sewing machine). I miss my granma. :(

5. Japanese Magazine Scans.

    I prefer SEDA over Spoon magazine even if it's the official Mori Magazines. I dunno, I find the clothes too unique in Spoon and not really applicable in everyday life. I want clothes that I could find on a regular store and make it mori style. 

6. Indie Rock Music

    Music is my mood setter, when I was into video games and mmorpgs, I prefer rock songs especially the 'emo' ones. When I became highly addicted to anime music, my playlist was filled with nothing but anime OST and japanese music. When I shifted to Lolita, I started to love visual kei and all the gory, screaming, cursing-like-no-tomorrow, kind of songs (I also started to like Lady Gaga, heheheh). Now that I like Mori girls, I prefer indie rock music, especially the laid back ones. The one thing that will never change is my life for Coldplay! <3

7.  A vintage or even faux-vintage accesories

     It's a great accent to more regular clothes! The good thing is vintage stuff are becoming popular again so they are not so hard to find anymore, even though they're not really vintage, heheh...

8. My wavy hair.

    I really have straight hair but last month I permed to create soft curls, now the curls have became big waves  which I like. The best thing about my curls is that they look natural compared to regular perming. Plus, I don't have to brush my hair everyday, now that's going au naturale! Lol!

9. Plants at our house

    Me and my mom are depressingly bad gardeners (at least my mom tries) but it's great that we still have plants in front of our house in this polluted city.

10. Travelling

    Sometimes for school, sometimes for family outings, I just want to travel anywhere, seeing mountains, bluer skies, new places...

I'm on top of the world... well not really.
It was foggy so no rice terraces pics :(

Day 7 – 10 people who inspire your mori style.

It's more of their lifestyle than the type of clothing that I'm inspired about from them.... Well here it goes...

Natalie
The one who created Vanillery Garden. Probably one of the best Mori Girls (for me)
on the net. She's more focused on the lifestyle and attitude than the style,
which is what I love. I do want to dress like a mori girl but I don't want to be superficial
and too focus on the material aspect of the lifestyle.

Valerie
One of the best watercolor illustrator here in Manila.
I don't think she's a mori girls since she seems to be a trend follower in terms of her fashion
but she is obviously mori-inspired with her love of pastel colors
and her style in painting.

Amanda
Not a mori girl, but definitely living a Mori girls' dream. To live near a forest,
surrounded by a handful of friends that you grew up with. Always dressing in old styled clothes,
living a simple life.
Though I doubt she really lives a simple life since she has the most massive following I'll ever feature here,
and she seems to go to the city once in a while for fashion updates, and such.

Chai
I think she's the only 'official' mori girl here in the Philippines.
I dunno much about her except she's also a fashion photography,
has lots of artsy friends,  and drinks too much coffee and milk tea! Lol!
So why does she inspire me? Well, even though she's not my ideal mori girl
she's kinda introduced me to the fashion.
I know some of her friends and they were following her blogs, so I followed it too
and started to fall in love with Mori girls.

Hayao Miyazaki
No he's no mori boy, he's just the greatest anime directors of all time!
What I love about his works is that it's always nature themed
especially the famous Totoro.
And although it's not mori related, I fricking love Lupin III!

Jessica
Not a mori girl, I don't think she even knows the term. Lol!
But her DIY blog is super awesome and I've always wanted to more crafty and such.
And her blog is a great opportunity to do so!

Gabrielle
A mori girl where I got the 30 Day Challenge.
Also one of the active members of the Mori girl Livejournal community,
which I don't follow, lol!

Zeruda
She's actually a lolita but keeps the mori girl community in myasianfashion.com alive.
It's nice to know someone who's not exactly mori girl but has a deep appreciation for the style.

Aileen
A mommy with a love for white. Her style is mori but I doubt if she even knows it.
I love her stories with her son's little adventures.
The way she tells her stories and the baby pics are just adorable!

Nicola
I absolutely know nothing about her but we have the same hobby,
collecting beautiful pictures in the internet.
and her blog is full of beautiful things.

As you can see, I have no popular japanese mori girls in my list. Yui Aoi doesn't really inspire me, she's more natural-kei than mori for me, so does Hagu (Honey and Clover).

Ok I'm done, thanks for reading!

My August Life

Instead of blogging what was happening with my life during the past few weeks, I'm just gonna post compilation of edited photos with short desciptions. Hey, it's less boring than reading long paragraphs. :P
Sorry for the low quality pics, almost all are taken using my Nokia C3 phone. Also I'm not good at photo editing, I just choose whatever effect there is in Photoscape.

Last 2 Weeks ago...

I went to UPLB for my thesis...

A really nice house near the library.

Going back to Manila on a bus.
I like this photoedit because it has a story
 but deym, my face is too bright! 

I've been wanting to learn how to cook so we could have better homemade food in our house...

1. Ube yam pie, 2. Corned tuna carbonara, 3. Cottage Cheese Pancakes
4. Eating at Chinatown, Banawe, Q.C., 4. Tutti Frutti Frozen Yogurt at SM Manila
6. Old Spaghetti House at SM Manila

But I'm no good cook... well at least they liked the Ube yam pie. 

A week ago...

We went to SM Manila for groceries and because we hang-out there almost ever week...

Me and my sis.
Ugliest photoedit here. :(

Lol, just having fun with Photoscape.

Waiting for mom at the carpark.
Photo taken in sepia mode using Nokia C3.

My mini hauls last week...

1. Thing bought from National Bookstore, 2. from Saizen
3. From Saizen, too. Supposed to do a review but I won't bother
just don't buy it. It sucks, period!
4. New cover for the ironing board, yey~

I also bought a Watercoloring guide at National Bookstore, still haven't read it. And yes, I'm the 'Iron Lady' in this house. :|

Oh, and I also did my nails!

It sucks my 2mp camera phone can't see the details :P

And finally, we watched Captain America at SM Manila last Saturday. It's kinda boring actually. We didn't bother talking about it after, unlike Suckerpunch where we talked about it for weeks. :) 

Anyway, here are my camwhoring moments. ;)

1.,4. At Globe Service Center, 2. After the movie
3. Our feet :D

At Old Spaghetti House. First photo was taken using my mom's phone
that's why it looks different. I just gotta learn how to play with curves!

So yeah... Now you know that:

• I am fat but still love to eat.
• Don't really like make-up.
• Going back and forth to Los Banos is my pasttime.

This week was uneventful. *sigh* I hope the long weekend will be a blast though. 

The cute kitties are back! Yey~

Day 5 – 10 items from your wish list.

Wishlist

1. Time
2. To shift to an arts course
3. Have my own bedroom and have my own personal space
4. New set of clothes, mori-inspired of course
5. Floral brogues
6. Pen tablet
7. Sewing machine
8. Learn how to watercolor
9. To control myself from excessive internet use
10. To be more assertive

I just to be happy and live my life, that's all...

Day 4 – 10 different kinds of food you like.

Day 4 of the mori girl challenge~

10 kind of foods that I like!

Chocolates

That includes nutella, bueno and all other types of chocolate.

Vanilla Ice Cream

My Aunt's specialty: Cheese Cupcake

Not my aunt's

Lumpiang Sariwa (Fresh Spring Roll)

The only healthy food on this post.

Cheesecake

Mashed Potato

I like the gravy extra hot.

Lucky Me Pancit Canton (sweet and spicy)

Yes it's packed with MSG, and it might kill me, but I don't care. :P

Milo

This is no ordinary chocolate drink, this is an essential part of the household.

Creamy Dory

I like it with butter and lemon sauce.

Creamy Carbonara

Yup, I'm a sucker for creamy food.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my, I'm such a irresponsible blogger! I did said in my last post that I would set my priorities. I fixed my old my laptop and it's running smoothly again! But I still didn't do what I should have done like doing my Thesis Outline. Sorry I wasn't able to comment back on my older posts, but I really appreciate the comments so thank you! (sorry no cute cat emoticons today :( ) 

I always started this online class called 'Radical Revolution'. Please visit Natalie's site Vanillery Garden. It really is a good site especially if your into Mori Girls, but even if you're not, you'll still find the posts uplifting. :)

Anyway, tata for now. Still have things to do~

Thank you reading <3

Priorities

Gah!
Having a lot of accounts for different websites is a bad, bad idea!
Now my time will be eaten by these websites!


I always crave to learn and find something new, but of course there's this information overload. I cannot take in much of those beautiful blogs, crafts, DIY, fashion at one sitting. That's why I always avoided registering to Lookbook and I stopped using my Tumblr. I have so little time, and I should have less time on the internet and have a better lifestyle...

Then again, I've always been a computer person. Ever since a kid, I always been in front of the computer whether it's playing online games or social networking. It never affected my studies when I was in gradeschool and highschool. But now it became my escape, especially at college since your not really forced to be friends with others unlike high school. And because I hate my course a lot, I'm almost always in the internet because it's the only place that makes me happy.

But...

I have to make priorities.
I should be more focus on finishing my thesis, instead of roaming in the world wide web.
I should be doing more meaningful things for myself instead of reading on other people's achievements.
I should learn how to manage my time learn and not to procrastinate.

But I can't...

There's always this force that brings me down: my course, my thesis, my mom, our apartment... I dunno...
Sometimes I wish I was just a housewife so I would only worry about my family and the house... And have quality time for myself when they went off to school and work. But of course that doesn't work that way...

Back then I always thought that money will solve anything. I think that was my driving force that's why I always had good grades back when I was younger. But when I started college, reality hit me.
Money wasn't worth the pain of not doing what you love to do...

Sigh... Maybe this is just quarterlife crisis.

I've actually met some people who have this 'crisis'. They say once I get near 30, I will feel better about myself because I know myself more. And once you hit 40, you'll have a midlife crisis. Lol!

Anyway, I decided to shut down my tumblr completely. I know it's a good way to earn followers, but I really don't have anything to do with it. I don't blog for the fame and popularity. I blog as a way to express my interests, and hopefully be more motivated to do well in real life.

For now, I have to clean up the contents of my old laptop. 

Things I hate about mori

This is gonna be quick since I haven't really explored mori enough to see the ugly side of it except that...

1. I hate how it is often confused with dolly kei and lolita. It is always confused with those other japanese fashion genre because of their love for old fashioned clothes. You could buy for the latest trend on Forever21 but still look mori. It's all about the 'feel' of your look. Also dollies and lolitas are kinda OTT kind of fashion, compared to mori girls where you could just wear a simple short and top and still look mori as long as it feels 'nature'.
2. I hate how I really need to be adept in photography. It's the only proof of living the mori lifestyle since most mori girls are not into forming 'groupies' and tend to be loners or just with a really small number of friends. 
3. I hate how mori girls are expected to only listen to British alternative music. I like all types of music, even pop and sometimes RnB.
4. I hate how mori doesn't have a strong and big online community. But this has its pros, too. Mori girls should not spend too much time in the internet since they're suppose to be nature loving and always basking the sunlight, lol!
5. I'm not a fan of wearing fur.

Ok that's it folks... Although it's only 5, I still wanted to complete the challenge!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Just to end this blog, I've posted pictures of mori girls, dolly keis, and lolitas to compare and see the difference. I don't really want to enumerate how different the three are since I'm no fashion expert.

Mori girl 

Dolly Kei

Lolita
The most popular among the three.
Well, the fashion has been around since the early 90's,
the reason for the huge following.

Ciao, for now~

In pursuit of something else

Did I just google'd how to cure laziness?
Yes, yes I did.

lol, I didn't even finish 'laziness'

It's my primary sickness. Why do I procastinate? And even if I try to make a schedule, or to-do list, I end up not doing it. Probably it's because I easily let myself sidetrack to other things (must be the reasons why I like so many things). Like last night, instead of doing another blog for the 30 Day challenge, I end up youtubing a lot of Ray William Johnson's videos... Well, I have to admit they are funny, especially the old ones...

So while reading the 'cure of laziness' articles, I've read an interesting point of view from this article:

"how can I act when an underlying anxiety keeps me from starting?" Who said that anxiety, discomfort, or fear has to prevent you from starting? I don't remember being told that I have to stop whatever I'm doing if it makes me feel uncomfortable. Again, I'm not trying to be smug, but trying to point out a common misconception. You see, many people are held back or are stuck in their tracks because they believe EVERYTHING SHOULD FEEL GOOD. 

The article further states that one should focus more on the positive outcome of what I have to do, no matter how hard it is.

The problem with me is that the reason of for my procrastinating is that I almost can't see the positive outcome of what I'm doing. You see, every now and then, I talk about how much I hated my course, and it's mainly the reason why I can't move on. And I can't see the benefit of graduating either since like I said, I hate my course. I don't even know if I'll ever use it after graduating. I have finish all my subjects and I'm doing my thesis right now. My subject is about Anodic Stripping Voltametry of Trace Amount of Arsenic... some chemistry shit you don't need to worry about. Unlike subjects where you go to classes and hopefully pass the exams, thesis requires determination more than anything, and that's what I don't have with my course. I think I have the brains, but dedication? Nada.

Because of my course, all the things in my life are now affected. I'm not motivated anymore to draw sketches, to be more organize and productive on other things, I don't care much about studying anymore...
I feel bad about myself.

I so want to move on now, but my course is holding me to the ground. I still wish one day that I would be able to get away from it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of googling for something, I also found this.

I've read a dozen of self-help, and personality development books, I even went to some seminars but sadly I think none of them worked. And I all blame it my stupid course. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Gah!!!!!!!

For some reason Blogger crashed, and half of my blog was lost (ugh, I relied to much on auto-save)!!!! And I'm always a 'long' blogger! This is too annoying! Anyway, I typed about the different websites I joined but now the detailed things I wrote are gone so I'm just going to sum it all up:

• Stumbleupon - cool site. Lets you stumble to different blogs, articles and videos depending on your interest. Very easy to use and highly recommended.
• Pinterest - a lesser extent of Tumblr except it's 'interests' based and not following-based so atleast you can skip on the random reposts of people you follow. Not as user friendly as Tumblr. Only recommended to those who got sick and tired of Tumblr.
• Cutout + Keep - an online community for the crafty people. It's definitely Japanese culture loving, and has an online magazine called 'Snippets'. I haven't explored it much but it looks like a really cool site and hopefully this site will help to be crafty. Lol.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Yey~ Two house that I saw on my feeds that I particularly liked. Hope you like it too!

Unique Vintage Details in a Fascinating Apartment Near Barcelona

Beautiful French Country House

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmpf! I'm still annoyed on what just happened to blogger. This was supposed to be picture heavy, and I did an extra effort on the things I found on Stumbleupon. 

Anyway, hope you all have a good Tuesday, goodnight!